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About Film & Animation / Student I See Nothsssing!Male/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 13 Years
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...friendship? by Tuco ...friendship? :icontuco:Tuco 52 11 Severin Grinsen by Tuco Severin Grinsen :icontuco:Tuco 20 3 The Turning Away by Tuco The Turning Away :icontuco:Tuco 9 9 Teagan by Tuco Teagan :icontuco:Tuco 178 21 Before the... by Tuco Before the... :icontuco:Tuco 134 41 Rook Animation by Tuco Rook Animation :icontuco:Tuco 71 13 ID - Clinging by Tuco ID - Clinging :icontuco:Tuco 8 25 Bask by Tuco Bask :icontuco:Tuco 95 22 LarkFall by Tuco LarkFall :icontuco:Tuco 125 30 Aglakti by Tuco Aglakti :icontuco:Tuco 92 22 Kyrie by Tuco Kyrie :icontuco:Tuco 34 19 Howl Animation by Tuco Howl Animation :icontuco:Tuco 45 9 Growl Animation by Tuco Growl Animation :icontuco:Tuco 60 13 Vincent Animation by Tuco Vincent Animation :icontuco:Tuco 20 2 Bye Bye by Tuco Bye Bye :icontuco:Tuco 44 9 Night Eyes Animation by Tuco Night Eyes Animation :icontuco:Tuco 24 5


OFF-WHITE - process by akreon OFF-WHITE - process :iconakreon:akreon 4,200 549 Jean by Nadiezda Jean :iconnadiezda:Nadiezda 1,050 22 In heaven by firmamento In heaven :iconfirmamento:firmamento 295 85 Marco by JohnYume Marco :iconjohnyume:JohnYume 23 6 experimenting with grunge by Starhorse experimenting with grunge :iconstarhorse:Starhorse 235 9 Purity by OvansTruth Purity :iconovanstruth:OvansTruth 13 4 Shed Light onto Thee by OvansTruth Shed Light onto Thee :iconovanstruth:OvansTruth 9 7 Dragon Tutorial by arvalis Dragon Tutorial :iconarvalis:arvalis 620 18 On They Came by shoomlah On They Came :iconshoomlah:shoomlah 3,900 111 Avengers - Loki Laufeyson by Sayael Avengers - Loki Laufeyson :iconsayael:Sayael 1,532 67 Bonobos by humon
Mature content
Bonobos :iconhumon:humon 8,718 1,309
The Easy Way by humon The Easy Way :iconhumon:humon 6,487 2,197 Four of us by Lirlys Four of us :iconlirlys:Lirlys 1,546 126 The Ruff Bird by humon The Ruff Bird :iconhumon:humon 12,911 2,019 Self Image by DivineSpiral Self Image :icondivinespiral:DivineSpiral 132 70


Football Song - Matt Fishel by dronio Football Song - Matt Fishel :icondronio:dronio 1,826 124 Rise of the red moon by silver303 Rise of the red moon :iconsilver303:silver303 57 21


So school is keeping me busy, as expected. Maybe once I start putting together something of a portfolio I'll submit some of the pieces here.

I watched Glee tonight. Now I'm not a regular viewer, I've only seen a few episodes, but this one really struck home. Why is it that the only two I felt really had any meaning for me were both stories that centered largely around Kurt's story? I guess because I'm dealing with some similar emotions and goings on.
A couple of weeks ago my dad approached me. He didn't come right out and say 'what's going on? what's the problem', no, instead he cornered me going "do you have something to tell me". This wasn't any sort of situation where I'd be comfortable talking with him, not while he was acting hostile. And yes, it felt hostile. Demanding an explanation and then telling me to "mature fast" and suggesting you'd kick me out is of course a loving and comfortable environment to have a good long chat.

Anyway, so Kurt pretty much summed up my own idea of religion. I have a hard time accepting something that logically doesn't make sense, but what I have even more of a problem with is the hypocrisy and pure hate I see from people who call themselves religious. Heck, just on Katie Couric tonight there was a bit of news on this radical group of Christians going to military funerals and gay bashing. I don't see how the military = promoting gay rights (erm...gays still aren't even allowed to be open and in the military), but that's beside the point. It just showed how much misunderstanding, cruel and misguided hate comes from a group of people who are supposed to be the most loving in the world. You don't even have to agree with homosexuality, but to act that way? Where does the Bible support that? What struck me most about the episode, aside from the religious tones, was the relationship between Kurt and his dad. The other episode that hit me was the one where his dad defended Kurt against gay bashing. That was one of the most pride filled moments I've ever seen on television pertaining to this subject and I thought to myself...why can't my dad be like that? So if you've seen the episode you know that the father ends up in very bad condition in the hospital and the theme of loss comes in to play. All I could think was what if I lost my family, what would happen if I didn't get to tell them just how much I care? I don't open much, in fact, I really don't know how and am uncomfortable when I try to because it makes me for one reason or another feel weak, less masculine somehow. I know that isn't true, that every person should be able to tell their family how much they love each other, but for some reason I still have a problem coming forward with it. I deal with this sense of loss every day of my life. When is my family going to find out? When are they going to abandon me? Like hell are they going to support this? It's contrary to how they were brought up. I don't blame them...but it still hurts.   

And dad, if you're reading this, I'm asking you to talk to me directly. Mom told me you were upset about how I had said some things about who I am and religion on the internet and I pretty much knew you had come on here and read what I had to say. I won't take back anything I've said, I just feel sad you won't come to me. But I understand why. It's the same reason why I haven't come to you. I'm scared...I am so scared of what you'll say and how things will change. I don't know how you or the rest of the family will view me. I have so many more concerns but I don't know how to express them. Men aren't supposed to be all emotional and so far I'm failing at that. Or maybe I'm not. I'm not opening up enough about certain things. I should be able to be comfortable enough to talk things through with you, but I can't. I just don't feel that way. That's my fault and that's your fault.

I just want to be normal. I just want to make you proud and I can't. I'm ashamed of myself. And being this way won't make you proud so I feel like I've failed. This isn't going to change. These thoughts won't go away and all I want now is to start getting to a place where I can be happy with myself, where I can be as normal as I'm ever going to be. But I don't know if you want to be a part of that. I hear so many stories of other people just like myself who have their family's support. Do I get that privilege? So far I've figured I wouldn't, that's why I've kept things hidden, that's why I hide away.

Anyway, I think I'm rambling now.
Nothing happy to update about. Sorry guys! D:
  • Listening to: I Want to Hold Your Hand- Chris Colfer cover
  • Watching: Family Guy
  • Playing: Homework
  • Eating: Homework
  • Drinking: Homework


I See Nothsssing!
Artist | Student | Film & Animation
United States


Add a Comment:
MeltedMocha Featured By Owner Edited Dec 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello Tuco. 
You and I have never met, we have never talked, we have never stumbled across each other. I am here because I know how you feel. I've had to pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm afraid of what my parents think. I'm bisexual, and don't believe in religion for the same reasons you, and Kurt on glee, and a lot of other people think. You are not alone. Especially not now, not at this time. I hope you are okay, and I hope you get everything you want, and everything you need to be successful. Your art is stunning, and I hope you found somewhere you are still showing off your talent.
HuttserandFell Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014
Could u join TheSightPack I noticed your The Sight wolves
Quailmix Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hi! I love your wolf art. I don't know if you like to RP or not, but I thought you might like this group :icondomain-of-the-wolf:
CynicalCoyote Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013  Student Digital Artist
just wondering, did you moved acount?
UnspokenWhispers Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Do You Take Commissions?? c:
jammer1495 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love your art! You are so good at creating the perfect blend of realism and cartoon!
alexandrephilippe Featured By Owner May 24, 2012
Thanks for the fav:)
claudiasutton Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Professional
Thank you so much for the watch!
Green51q Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011  Student Photographer
Thank you so much for adding "pride" to your favorites!! [link]
I know i'm a little late, I just made it a goal to myself to thank everyone who Faved my work :huggle:
Thank you so much for the support, it means so much to me!
PhantomWolf Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2011
hey NightEyes! just swung around to say hi. hope you're well. ^^
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